What Now?

So Noe is definitely not going anywhere. But now I'm in this love triangle awkwardly, and it sucks. I mean there's Noe, and he's sweet, but he's all attached, and as I stated before, I do not do love. But then there's Jo, who is this amazing guitarist who I've had a crush on since the moment I saw him. aHe took me out for a 'birthday drink' and then we hooked up. So no idea what's going on there. And then there's Justin. Who I met awkwardly, and well we have a thing on the side. So I am DYING here! Ugh!! I really like Noe and I don't want to break his heart, but it is way too soon to be talking about love and whatnot. I mean he wants to know backstory and I am taking my story to my grave. Which he doesn't understand, but he totally does not have any kind of past like I have.  But it's whatever. Right?

I mean I do want a relationship. But I'm not ready to just open up and trust him. I feel bad holding him off like this, but I don't know what else to do. It's just the way I am. 

C'est La Vie. 

Viva La Vida. 

And Fuck the System. 

Peace. 

Signed hot_tunes. 

Cabin Fever

Well if I haven't been getting much of anything, I think at least that I've been getting the college experience. Being away from family. Providing for myself. Mopping up my own broken hearts. (Well I've been doing that for quite some time). Anyway, I've been getting more and more independent, but it seems like there's only so much experience to be getting at this college. What I'm saying is, it's time to move on. Transfer somewhere. I don't know where but even though I had fun here, it's time for me to move on.

But I'll always keep my friends. 

And I'll always remember the fun times I had here. 

Unsure

So here I go again. With another seemingly perfect guy. This time, I think I might be right. Noe is funny, he makes me laugh, and he's respectful. He calls me "beautiful", not "hot", and he opens the door for me. He seems so sincere, and once again, I feel horrible telling him the backstory about myself that I tell everyone. But I can't risk digging up my past for any reason. He took me out for coffee today, (well he had coffee, I , of course ordered nothing). He plays the guitar, and he likes my music. And when we were making out in my room, I decided things we're long a little too far to soon, and started freaking out, and he stopped, and asked me if if been hurt before, and when I said yes, he promised never to hurt me or push me into anything. I so want to believe him. I so want to trust him, but I don't want to risk my heart breaking again. Also after I freaked out, he rolled me over sweetly, and gave me an amazing massage. He stopped what he was doing, to make me smile and laugh. 

I guess I'll give it a try. Put my heart on the line, and hope I don't regret it. 

C'est La Vie. 

Viva La Vida. 

And Fuck the System. 

Peace. 

Signed, hot_tunes

Here We Go Again

Maybe my theory is true. That I'm the most attractive to men when it's that time of the month. (Weird.) Anyway, last night was the Club Sub beach party. Which since it's like -3 degrees up here in nowhere Idaho, only like twenty people showed up. Anyway, being me, I wasn't about to let there being less people make me have less fun, so of course I danced my heart out. Well I'd been there for about an hour, and this random dude walked up to my group of friends and was all, "Which of you ladies wants to dance with me?" Well I'm not shy whosoever, so I said sure.

Well we danced. And danced. And danced. So much that we actually won a dance competition without even trying. Anyway after the dance was over we talked and hung out, and then made out in his car. And we're meeting over coffee tomorrow. I think he's really into me. 

Seriously my life makes no sense. 

But whatever. 

C'est La Vie. 

Viva La Vida. 

And Fuck The System. 

Signed, hot_tunes. 

My Take on Reality

It just amazes me to see what the people of my generation think they deserve. We are the most "entitled" generation, and it horrifies me. How kids treat their elders. Now don't get me wrong. I know I sound über old fashioned, but I'm only 18, and even though I'm young, I can see the way this economy is going down. Especially here in America. Call me unpatrioric, but if my generation does not realize that our parents are not always gonna be there to give us everything we want, and soon, this nation is gonna crash and burn. Call me old school and pessimistic, but at least I have a grip on reality.

I mean seriously. In the long run, is it really gonna matter if you were popular in high school? Or if you were voted hot on the hot or not list? No. If we can't step away from the mirror long enough to live now, I don't think we ever will.  

But what do I know?

C'est La Vie. 

Viva La Vida. 

And Fuck the System. 

Peace. 

Signed, hot _tunes. 

Soul Music

So I had my first experience with high level improvisation last week and I just have to say, I loved it!! It's what I've been looking for for a while. A group of musicians, a song we faintly know, and some basic chord patterns.  No structure. No rules. No bitchy professors telling me what and what not to play. It was perfect. And I could feel the connection between us in the room as we joined in together mixing individual genres together into a style that to be honest had no name. 

It was Real Music. Felt music. And it made my day so much better. I can't wait until we meet again next week. I really hope we can get more meeting times figured out, because even though we've only played together once, we sounded AMAZING! 

So music theory can suck it. Because theory and rules can never compare to the thrill of playing from the soul. 

C'est La Vie. 

Viva La Vida. 

And Fuck the System. 

Peace. 

Signed, hot _tunes. 

Theory and Me.

Well I won't say I've been getting used to any sort of schedule lately seeing as how I haven't gone to class in like a week and a half. My sleep pattern is way off. I haven't gone to bed before one in weeks.  But ever since I stopped seeing J. everything is just crazy.

The one class I have been attending is improvisation. And of all the classes I'm taking, I think it is the one that's gonna help my career the most. Not music theory. Because no matter how much they try, I will never think of music as something that can be controlled by some rules that someone wrote down in a book. I get that to be a successful musician, I need to know theory, but that doesn't make it any less painful. When someone plays a song, and then I see someone else sit down, and analyze the song into algebraic sequences, and equations, and cadences, it just breaks my heart. It takes all the feeling out of music. That is the main reason I never write down any of my compositions. Because I don't want my music reduced to math and rules. I want people to be moved my music. I want them to see it for what it is. Music, nothing more or less. 

Someday I will make that happen.