Hesitancy

I don't know if true love exists, but I know  first hand that true lust does. Even though I've only known him like two days, I will say that I am head over heels in lust with J. I find it hard to focus on anything anymore without being reminded of him. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, but I think we have a connection. 

Anyway, I've been avoiding Roger ever since I hooked up with J. It's not like we usually talk on a regular basis, but I haven't said anything to him since I found out he was back in the US. 

I'm conflicted about entering a relationship, because as a rule, I do not do love. I do like. I do lust. And I do obsession, but I find it really hard to love anyone. Of course everyone wants to blame me for being so hard hearted, but when everything I've ever loved was taken away from me, how do they expect me to just open up? 

I don't know if I'll ever be able to love really. Because whenever someone wants to get close to me, I automatically put up walls, and I don't know if I will ever be able to stop doing that. 

But this is my Dolce Vita. 

C'est La Vie. 

Viva La Vida. 

And Fuck the System. 

Peace. 

Signed, hot_tunes.