Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Not With Me, You Don't

So I'm feeling hopeful, and also scared to death of life right now. I had an offer to work as a live-in caregiver for a wounded veteran, but After just staying in the same apartment with him for a few days, I can Not imagine living with him for a year. I mean, I am pretty sure laying next to your patient, and "letting him have some body heat" is not in the job description. Neither is selling marijuana, and prescription pills. Also, I don't recall sleeping in bed with him and his wife, to 'put pressure against his chest' being in the paperwork. Not to mention, he is one of the most controlling, rude, conceited people I have ever met. Now don't get me wrong. Everything he has done with the military and fighting for this country has made him earn my respect. I respect his sacrifice for freedom, but I will not let him use me for a cuddle buddy and or anything else. What disturbs me even more, is the way he treats his wife. Like she's a slave or something, and I am not about to sign up for that for a year. The way he just wants me to completely cut off my social life, relationships with friends, family, and significant others bothers me. I barely even know him, and he just wants me to leave everything to sit quietly by his side, and massage his back. Yeah, no. When I left this morning for good, he tried to tell me how money was more important than friends, or family, because personal relationships aren't going to pay the bills. Well, no they're not going to put cash in my pocket, but true friendship is much more important than money. Money can be gone in a heartbeat, but a friend will always be there. Yeah, it sounds like a good opportunity; take care of someone for a year, and have college tuition, and cash to spare. But I'm not going to sit around being someone's Stepford slave.  I may not be rich, and yeah, I have a shitty place to live right now, but I'm young. that's just the way life is. I may not have much, But I do have freedom to do whatever I want, and 'give body heat' to whoever I want. And I'm sorry if whoever I want is not a 51 year old man.
I don't mind taking care of basic needs like cleaning, and cooking, and whatnot, but there is nothing in my paperwork about mandatory personal contact, so I am going to have to look for other opportunities elsewhere.
I will not be used by anyone.
C'est La Vie.
Viva La Vida.
And Fuck the System.
Peace.
Signed, hot_tunes

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Trying To Move On

So an update on what's been going on with me...
I am now officially single. Things were going downhill, and so he ended it. Even though I was considering ending things anyway, I still miss him. Like hella bad. It's crazy. Everywhere I go, I see things that remind me of him. And I feel ridiculous for feeling this way. I guess, I just fell harder than I had expected. I'll get over it of course. I'll move on, and find someone new. 'I just wish saying goodbye wasn't so damn difficult. I wish I could stop thinking about all the good times we had together, and realize that it was never going to work out anyway. I'm just being a little immature right now, but I'll get over it.
C'est La Vie.
Viva La Vida.
And Fuck the System.
Peace.
Signed hot_tunes♪♫

Purple


I've been told that a lot of people can be defined by their favorite color. In my case, my favorite color is purple. When I looked up what the color purple said about a persons personality, it said that if your favorite color is purple, you are a peaceful and tranquil person, and you have a quiet dignity about you. This is strange because I rarely feel peaceful or tranquil, but so many people ask me "How do you stay so calm?" and "Doesn't anything bother you?". I guess I don't appear to be stressed on the outside ever. It makes so sense to me. My boyfriend once said that the fact that I always seem so peaceful was one of his favorite things about me. I mean I don't think there is really such a thing as a truly peaceful or tranquil person; life is too unpredictable for that. But I do think that there are people who have a bigger capability for peace than other people. A better understanding of the way life can make things more or less difficult for people. I don't necessarily believe I have a big capacity for peace. It's probably something dysfunctional with my facial muscles that makes me seem so peaceful all the time. Someone told me that I always seemed cool and content today, and I almost laughed out loud. I mean right now with the way by boyfriend has been acting lately, I feel just about everything but peaceful or content.
Another characteristic of a purple personality is creativity which I can definitely relate to. I've always been creative and artistic. From the way I dress, to the music I write, I love the unconventional. I love to stand out. When I was younger, I went to private schools which required me to wear school uniforms. Now if there is one thing I hate, it's looking the same as other people. I hate blending in, being invisible. I used to always do crazy things with my hair, like dying it purple or blue, and wearing crazy shoes. My creativity and originality applies to my music in the way I hate playing music written by someone else. Now that doesn't mean I refuse to play music written by others, I of course play the music of the great composers, but I would much rather play something I made up.  
Purple is a powerful color. Purple is the strongest wavelength of the spectrum. Purple is also a very rare color when you look at nature; there are very few purple plants, animals, or fruits. Purple was also the hardest color to create dyes for clothing; it takes almost 12,000 shellfish to make about 1.5 grams of pure purple dye, barely enough to completely cover a roman toga back in the day. Purple is powerful because of it's rarity, but also in the confidence it takes to rock the color purple. Back in the day, only royalty wore purple. Purple was the color of wealth and of power.
I don't see myself as wealthy or powerful, but I know there is strength in the color. And there is strength in me.
C'est La Vie.
Viva La Vida.
And Fuck the System.
Peace.
Signed hot_tunes♪♫