Friday, January 10, 2014

Story Of My Life

So I don't know if anyone is gonna read this, or whatnot, but whatever. I'm not writing this to anyone. I'm writing down my own damn life, and if you find it interesting, then by all means whatever.

Anyway this year SUCKED!
Graduate from high school by the skin of my teeth, and finally get out of the group home that I've been stuck in for the past Five years, only to get stuck in a tiny town in the middle of freaking Montana. MONTANA!! Who the Fuck even cares about Montana right? Well I ended up living in my 'parents' basement in Troy Montana. A microscopic fishing town smack in the middle of nowhere. Working at Troy Community Baptist Church for five hundred dollars a month. Let me just pause to state, I DO NOT DO CHURCH. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not anti Christian by any means, but the Americanized White Surpremic Christianic religion? Hell to the No! Well I was doing my thing. Get up and be driven to work, because do to my going joyriding at age 17, (I didn't even crash the car. It had a flat tire, and I dertroyed the rubber. Yeah... pretty damn idiotic on my part, I admit that fully), they decided they wouldn't let me get my license until I was 19. Well I shore as hell was Not having that. Sooo I got a hold of my 35 year old sister, which was pretty damn hard to do because I only got half an hour of supervised computer time per day, and arranged to go move in with her in June. Which gave me appriximately a week and a half to remove my financial aid from the microscopic community college that my parents had enrolled me in(It wasnt even a campus, Flathead Valley Community College, Lincon County Campus. Which consisted of a one story building and a half, a tree, a tiny gravel parking lot, and a picnic table. It did have 'dorms' I think; three little rooms with beds in them in the back of the building), and apply to North Idaho College in Couer d'Alene Idaho. Which I mean it's still Fucking Idaho, in a big small town by a lake but Whatever, It's better than Montana. Well I got accepted and whatnot, which was extremely difficult to hide since the 'parents' were monitoring my mail too. But I did it, and got the hell out of there and went to spend the summer in Spokane Washington with my sister, and her sons, one of which used to be my brother, but thats a long complicated story. Anyway, I stayed with them, worked a shitty job with good pay, at Pull & Save Auto Parts as a cashier who knows nothing about cars. But I got my license, and I got through the summer, and went to college. Which turned out to be the suckiest campus on history. No available recreation on campus. The had all the buildings, the dorms, the classes, and a patch of sand on the lake, but thats about it. Anyway, that's where I am now. Living in the most boring dorms the world has ever known. (I mean everyone goes home every weekend.It's so stupid! Its like you had like at least 17 years to live with your family, you're an adult now, It's time to grow up, and learn to live without seeing your parents every five days.) Anyway it sucks. The only good thing about it is the Music hall. I'm a Music Performance Major, so I get full access to the practice room pianos, and the recording labs and piano lab. It's great because I can use music to unwind, so I don't punch somebody and get kicked out. The other good thing about it is Roger, a Jamaican soccer player who am seriously growing feelings for. He makes me laugh, and unlike a couple other guys I've been with, he acknowledges me in public, like I'll be walking with my people, and he'll be walking with his, and he'll catch my eye and smile this ADORABLE smile or check me out, with these brown eyes that make me tingly all over, or he'll say hi, and if we're both going the same direction, and aren't already walking with someone, he'll walk next to me and talk to me. I mean I'm not in love with him by any means. I find it very hard to love anyone or anything, because I always end up getting hurt, but I am seriously head over heels in Lust with him. And that's good enough for me right now. Also, He likes to cuddle!!!! Nobody I have ever met (Who's a guy) likes to cuddle, but he does, and I really, Really, REALLY like that. Like A LOT!!
The thing is that I haven't really had a lot of luck in love. Ok, I havent really had ANY. A couple of potential relationships that were always either screwed up by either Yours Truly, or, the mutiple 'parents' I've had through the years. One summer fling that lasted maybe three and a half days at church camp, my first kiss! Can you belive it? Never been kissed, (Not for Real) until age 16. And then he decided that my friend Haley was more interesting than me. Maybe bacause I didn't want to get laid in the dirt in a rusty old shed at church camp. (I did let him suck my tits though, it was nice) Anyway, then there was James who I fell hard for at NYR, on the mountain, but I had to leave before I could kiss him or anything, and I never saw him again. Had several crushes through High School, which I always ended up creeping out because I would make up these secrets that we were dating. Which of course we never did but whatever.
I lost my virginity about a month and a half ago. At age 18 Woohoo. Some sleazebag who lives in the dorms here on campus. I guess he just wanted to see what it was like to bang a black woman or something. Either that he was sexually starved. Whatever It wasn't too bad. He booty called me one time after that, and we did some stuff in his truck.
But Roger, Yeah I slept with him. Correction, I fucked him, bent over against the bathroom counter, but it felt great, and he is an AMAZING kisser. He continues to talk to me and we still see eachother, in the darkness of his dorm room, and those little moments are what makes my pitiful life at college bearable.
Well my cell phone broke about a week and a half ago. I had a rage attack and,like an idiot, beamed the floor with it. Real smart right? Well I am BROKE so I asked the 'parents', whom my sister hates, for a new one. Well my sister found out and I should have told her straight up what was going on, but like an idiot, I didn't, and she kicked me out and now I'm finishing Christmas break in a shitty apartment with my brother, who stole my food money, and this is my current life.
Going into 2014 riding solo acting like the tough girl and like nothing bothers me, except that leaving my sweet nephew sucked and I broke down and cried, something I haven't done in a long time when he hugged me goodbye. I love him like the little brother I never had. That was the most painful goodbye I've had to say in a long time.
Well, Happy New Year to me. Maybe I'll go hang out in front of a bar, and see if I can pick up a drunk for the night. (Hope Roger doesn't find out.)
C'est la Vie.
Viva la Vida.
And Fuck the System.