Friday, January 10, 2014

My Dilemma

I've always been rather confident in what I wanted in life. The fame, the riches, the adoration. I've always lived my life in order to gain that goal. Every where I have lived, I can't help but become a pretty well known person locally through my music. Even at the group home where I lived, I still became very well known in the communities surrounding the area. Even here in Couer d'Alene Idaho, I've only been here for one semester, and I've already asked to compose promotional music for the college. Now, I'm classically trained, which is my downfall. I struggle very hard with other types of music, when it comes to instrumental music. For example Jazz. Piano is a very important part to the structure of jazz, and I'm taking an improvisation class this coming semester, and I honestly struggle with my creativity in that department. It's not like I'm an inexperienced musician or anything, it's just that the people i have been 'raised' by wanted me to grow up to be the "Church Pianist", you know the stuffy old lady who sits and plays "How Great Thou Art" for the congregation or whatever. And yeah, I have done that a few times, but when I did, I never read the music from the hymnals. I simply was told which Key to play it in, then I kinda made things up as I went along. Which of course made the hymns actually sound good, but I was sure as hell NOT about to do that for the rest of my life.
The thing is, I want this SOOOO bad, but I feel like i'll never be able to do it. I've been stuffed in small towns my whole life, my talent hidden behind the church, and the 'Christian' world.
I wish I could just get my chance.
I know I could astonish the world.
But then,
C'est La Vie.
Viva La Vida.
And Fuck the System.
Signed, hot_tunes♪♫