Friday, January 10, 2014


Well let's just say this new year is NOT starting off positively. At all. Not like it ended well whatsoever. I seriously screwed things up with my sister. A few weeks ago, I had a serious stressed out rage attack, and Hulk smashed my phone into the floor. So naturally, it's broken. Well seeing as how I am a broke unemployed college student, I can't afford to get another one. I couldn't even pay the bill from this month or last. Sooo, I contacted the 'parents', and asked them to add me to their phone plan. Well, they responded that they would right before I went to stay with my sister over Christmas break. She doesn't have internet in her house, and my library card was inactive, and of course I don't have a phone right now. So, anyway, they started blowing up my Facebook page, and my sisters phone, telling me to call them. Which I didn't tell her that I had asked them to get me a new phone. I still had my cover story about them just not giving me any Christmas gifts or something, but that was busted when my brother messaged rachel telling her to tell me to call the 'parents' so I could activate my phone. Which I hadn't received yet, because they sent it to the dorms. Where I live on campus, but I told them that campus was closed over Christmas Break. But they don't remember anything but what they wanted to remember. Like the fact that I didn't in fact have T-Mobile, but Family Mobile. So they probably fucked that whole thing up, and I'll have to manually call their carrier, and figure out how to add my line to their family plan. The thing is, I really don't want to be tied to them in any way. I really don't. They are some of the most selfish and controlling people I have ever know. They're self-righteous, micro-managing, judgmental, and of course, "Christian", so of course that makes it all right or whatever. And I understand Rachel's reasons for making me leave, because if I didn't tell her about the phone, and being in contact with them that way, then what else didn't I tell her about? (the answer is nothing, I hadn't even  been in contact with them until the phone incident) But how is she to know that I'm telling the truth about that, when I lied to her about being in contact with them in the first place?
The thing is, living with her made me a better person, something that five years in a "Christian" group home couldn't do. And I finally figured out why:
The Americanized Christianity is a flawed religion, it does not strictly follow the Bible, and instead tries to interpret the Bible to benefit itself. Meaning, if a Christian person wants to say, really fuck up someones day, Blackmail them for example, they could justify that in either saying that they felt "Led" to do so, or that whoever they messed with was a "sinner" and therefor had reasons for what they did. So saying, when I went there, it was because I had a really bad habit of stealing things. Little things like a snack out of the refrigerator at night, (which I don't know why thats considered stealing, it's supposed to be family food right?) or shoplifting candy from the supermarket. Stupid little things. And for the longest time, I couldn't figure out why I did that. Why I took things I didn't even want really, things I definitely didn't need. And then when I went places without them, I continued to do it even when they weren't there. Well some girl in my Girl Scout troop lost her iPod, and of course, everyone assumed it was me, Because well, I was a Kleptomaniac right? Well I'm gonna just say that I did NOT steal her iPod, and even though they never found the stupid thing in my stuff, they still said I had taken it, even though they turned my room upside down, and took everything away and locked me in my room. only letting me out for school, and meals. They had been locking me in my room since I was nine, first only at night, but then soon it was all day, for weeks on end. They even went so far as to take the electricity out of my room, because my 'mother' thought I was getting too pretty, and didn't want people to be able to see me through the window at night. Well that happened for about four years until I was 13. At which point, they shipped me off to Shiloh Christian Children's Ranch in Nowheresville Missouri. Well I continued to steal things while I was there, and actually, my Kleptomania got worse. In the end I ended up borrowing a car from one of the houses there, and going joyriding. (I returned the car in one piece, except for the flat tire the car already had was missing all its rubber. But nobody wanted to focus on the fact that I brought it back, just the fact that I took it in the first place.) Anyway they pressed charges, and kept insisting that they enforce the maximum penalty on me which for a Class C felony of Grand Theft Auto, is I think up to seven years in prison. Which I'm over here like What. The. Fuck?  I was only seventeen. A minor, and I did in fact replace the tire, And I returned the car about a half an hour after I had taken it. Well the DA took pity on me, and was gonna give me a slap on the wrist, but they all but paid her to put me on probation. So I got six months Supervised, and six Unsupervised. And I'm still finishing up my unsupervised, I get off next month for good. Well anyway they basically blamed every incident around the group home on me (there were tons) and so I was basically a scape goat until graduation. But leaving, and going back to Montana with them, I still had the urge to shoplift, and it wasn't until I had gotten to My sisters house that I stopped. And then I realized what it was. They wanted me to keep stealing so they could have someone to blame all their problems on. Someone whose life they could make miserable so they could feel better about their own. Of course they said that they felt 'led by God' to treat me like shit. But my sister didn't expect me to be dishonest. She had Ultimate trust in me. And so when I tried to steal, I was almost physically choked out with guilt. Which is why I'm so heartbroken about breaking her trust, because she's been the only one who has completely believed that I could be more than what everyone else thought I was.
Well being temporarily removed from her family, I spent New Years Eve alone, so I walked down to a bar hoping to pick up a drunk for the night, and hope that I didn't get some STD, and ended up meeting this 49 year old man named Tony, who took me to this house party, and where I actually had a lot of fun, except I smoked almost a pack worth of cigarettes, so now I'm going into the new year trying to cut down to maybe one a week, so naturally I have a huge headache. But it is what it is.
C'est La Vie
Viva la Vida
And Fuck the System.
Signed, hot_tunes♪♫