Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Hey guys,
Just letting you all know that I am officially done with C'est La Vie.
I will leave this site up, so you all can access previous posts, but, I have decided to move on to bigger greener pastures. AKA a different blog.
I haven't written it yet, so there's no link to follow, but thanks to everyone who has been reading.

C'est La Vie.
Viva La Vida.
And Fuck the System.
Peace..
Signed, Esther Dolezal ♪♫

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Neurology

Yesterday, I went to Northwest Neurology to get my wrists tested. I have pretty bad wrist pain due to playing the piano for years, and lots of typing. I had no clue what the testing entailed, but in my mind I thought it would be something along the lines of moving my arms around, and feeling in-between my fingers or something, so I wasn’t really nervous. I was a little frustrated by the time I got to the right office, because when I got to the Neurology center, nobody seemed to know where the office I was supposed to go to was. Nobody, that is, except for the janitor, a middle-aged blond woman with a mullet. Turns out, everyone’s “directions” had ended me up on the complete opposite side of the building than I was supposed to be.
I finally arrived, five minutes late for my check-in, and out of breath. The receptionist was friendly, and helpful, but the check-in process took way longer than I thought it would. First, there was no paperwork, she handed me an electronic pad and told me to use the stylus to follow the prompts.  The pad then proceeded to question me for the next 15 minutes about my health history, and billing information. By the time I was shown in to the neurologist, I was just  ready to be done, and go home. 
I had never had nerve testing done before, and let me tell you, it is definitely not something you want to do unless you're really going through it. It was NOT fun. I almost quit in the middle of it, but I made it through it. First, a nurse had me sit with my hands wrapped up in a hot pad for about ten minutes, and then the neurologist came in. To test the nerves in my hands, first the doctor taped all kinds of wires all along my arms, and on my fingers. Then he proceeded to “run a light current through the nerve” to test the response. AKA shock the hell out of my arms so my fingers twitched all by themselves. It would have been freaky if it didn’t hurt so damn much.
The good news is the nerves in my hands are healthy, so it’s not a nerve problem. I just hope that I can figure out what is making my hands hurt so much, so I can move on with life. Whatever happens, I am definitely NOT doing that again for a very long time.

C’est La Vie.
Viva La Vida.
And Fuck The System.
Peace.


Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Catching Up... AGAIN

Hey  guys,
So this is a liiiitle embarrassing since I posted that I was going to keep posting almost two months ago. However, a little incident happened where m computer took a wine bath, and stopped working, so I had to get a new one. Which took a little while.
Anyway… An update on my life…
Pretty much old news, except for this election. Which, I must admit, took me a little by surprise. I mean, I was never a big fan of either candidate, but I never expected this turnout. I guess things are going to be a little different in this country now.
I feel like there’s no way of really knowing how things are going to turn out during Donald Trump’s presidency, but given the way citizens are reacting things are definitely going to get interesting.
Besides all that, let’s see… My hair is still blue, I still have anger issues, and life is still a b***h.

I promise I will try to post more regularly

C’est La Vie.
Viva La Vida.
And Fuck The System.
Peace.


Thursday, October 6, 2016

Catching Up (Sorta)

Rocking my blue hair, compliments of my amazing sister.
Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I decided to take the summer off, and do some soul searching.
A lot happened while I was away, and unfortunately, I cannot talk about most of it. However, just know that I learned a lot, screwed up twice, and ended up with blue hair. It was a glorious experience I assure you.
Anyway on a different note, I'm going to do like the internet, and tell you about my cat. Only because she had three adorable kittens last night, and I'm a sucker for kittens. Like they are so FREAKING CUTE!! At least now they are, anyway.
I must admit, I didn't think they were cute at first though.  Like, I was actually thoroughly grossed out, because Sugar  (that's my cats name) crawled inside my dresser drawer, and her water broke all over my favorite bikini top (thank goodness its Fall). Then there was all this brown goo, that she proceeded to eat, and so on and so forth with the grossness. Anyway it turned out OK, because Sugar had three adorable little kittens, and they're so soft, and I love them.
So this is where I'll pick up with my story. In summary... Learned a lot, screwed up twice, blue hair (which I absolutely love), and three adorable kittens. 
Sugar, and my little grandkittens. I love them so much
As to the subject of what I learned, I will tell you all in time. After the antics of the summer, I am more than ready to spend the cold months curled up on my sofa with my laptop, and write about everything, and nothing, and whatever else is in between.

Happy Fall!
C'est la Vie.
Viva la Vida.
And Fuck the System.
Peace.
Signed, Esther Dolezal ♪♫

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Hard Work, Fire Tacos, and a Small Town


Day three on the mountain was productive, and tiring. But in a good way. We cleared half an acre of land for  green houses, and cut and split firewood. I helped for a couple of hours, and then I hurt my wrist when I was carrying a fallen tree trunk with one of my friends Casey, and he dropped his side of the log suddenly, and my wrist bent the wrong direction. Luckily it was just  minor sprain, and I can still type, but my wrist swelled up, and looked pretty scary for a couple of hours.
Spanish rice, and taco meat cooking over the fire.
I almost set myself on fire twice.
Since I couldn't work for a while, I was put in charge of  making dinner. We didn't have much except beans, rice, pasta, and bread, because we made the mistake of letting the men shop, so I decided to drive into town and get the ingredients for tacos. Cusick is a tiny town in eastern Washington. I don't mean small like say, Savannah Georgia, but small as in there's only one church, and only one school. There is one gas station, and a tiny little library. The police department consists of one sheriff, and three deputies.
I pulled up to the town general store, which is also the town gas station, and you should have seen the looks on their faces when I stepped out of the farm truck with my burgundy hair and red lipstick. Everyone was surprised, but extremely friendly and warm. The elderly lady behind the counter smiled, and asked me if she could help me find anything, but since there were only four tiny immaculate aisles, I said no thank you, and proceeded into the store.
I'm glad I decided on tacos, because more than half of the store consisted of Mexican food. There were so many different types of hot sauce, and they all had names like, Hogs Inferno, Coonskin Revenge, and Slap Yo' Mama. I have never heard of half of them. There was everything I needed except for ground beef, so I bought some frozen hamburger patties. I grabbed an 18 pack of Kokanee beer, and headed up to the counter. The cashier eyed my stuff, smiled, and asked me if I was sure I got enough hot sauce. I told her yes, nodding sincerely when she looked skepyical,  paid, and headed back up to the mountain.
Cooking tacos over the fire was certainly a process, since I could only fit two pans safely over the fire, and I had to stir everything with a blackened stick. I burned myself almost twenty times before I was finished, but I succeeded, and they actually turned out pretty good. We all torched our mouths with Slap Yo' Mama hot sauce, and drank Kokanee, and had a night of tacos, beer, and weed. I

laughed so much that night, my abs felt  like I had done an Insanity work out the next morning.
This is turning out to be one of the best trips I've ever taken.
C'est La Vie.
Viva La Vida.
And Fuck The System.
Peace.
Signed, Esther Dolezal ♪♫

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Day 2

Me in my brand new fleece coat.
Day two on the mountain was a little bit more stressful. Not because of work, or the cold, but because I was sitting behind the wheel of a farm truck all day, listening to an old man talk about nonsense. I could barely enjoy the scenery, because he just talked so much. Anyway, we ended up driving around all day, and getting almost nothing accomplished. It was almost dark by the time we got back, and by the time I got dinner started, it was so dark that we had to use flashlights to see our food.
Wildlife starts to come out once the sun drops below the tree line. As I was driving, I saw wild turkey, deer, grouse, elk, and wild rabbits. There was a doe that had been hit by a vehicle, and had a broken leg. I felt so sorry for it, and pulled over to see if I could help it in any way, but was told there was nothing I could do for it, since it was terrified of me. There were so many deer. I had to slow down often for herds crossing the road. I can definitely see why the slow speed limits are necessary. I could hear coyotes once it got dark enough to use my headlights.
It got cold as soon as the sun set. Since it was so clear, there were no clouds to hold the heat in, so as soon as the sun disappeared behind the trees, the temperature dropped almost 30 degrees. Night time up here is beautiful. It gets dark so suddenly that at first you can't see anything but then the stars start to come out. The sky at night is breathtaking. The stars are so big and bright, and there are so many of them. More stars than you could ever see in any city. There was a crescent moon, and the night was so clear, you could see the entire outline of the moon, not just the crescent part. I saw Venus, the planet usually mistaken for the evening star. The sky is so alive at night, it makes me feel so small.
I definitely can feel power and peace in the energy on this mountain, and I think I'm going to change somehow over this trip.
C'est La Vie.
Viva La Vida.
And Fuck The System.
Peace.
Signed, Esther Dolezal ♪♫

Monday, April 18, 2016

My Mountain Experience

I had the opportunity to go up into the mountains, and learn how to grow Cannabis. Of course I accepted. So I will be difficult to reach for a while, but I will blog about every thing that happens up there this Spring and Summer, and all of the bad ass things I learn how to do.

Day 1

Day One on the Mountain was peaceful. My friend Jack and I arrived early before everyone, so we sat for a while outside, and enjoyed the peace and quiet. It's so beautiful up here. All forest will silvery lakes dotted here and there. It was quiet and,to be honest, it was kind of a shock for me having been in the city for so long, the quiet was almost overwhelming. I felt the urge to turn on some music, or strike up a conversation to fill the silene, but after about half an hour, it started to become relaxing.
I brought my cat Sugar, and my puppy Rusty up with me to the mountain. I wasn't sure how my pampered spoiled house cat would react to the culture shock of being in the woods, but she loves it up here. Her calico fur which sticks out like a sore thumb outside in the city is the perfect camoflauge up here. When she sits still in the trees, you can't see her until she moves. Rusty went right to town digging holes all over the place. I can tell they're going to enjoy their stay up here just as much as I am.
Where we're at on the mountain, there's no electricity or running water. We have a generator so I can charge my computer, but that's about it. We have to drive six miles into town to get water, and take showers. We also cook our food over a fire. Which I actually like way better than regular cooking. For one it's way more exciting. Also there's the possibility that you can burn the hell out of your hands. Also you can roast marshmallows while you cook.  Which I think is the awesomest thing ever. We had forest chili that night. Jack made this concoction of beans, summer sausage, and chili powder, that was so hot it felt like my mouth was on fire, but so damn good I couldn't stop eating it. I ate so much, my mouth was numb by the end of the evening.
We pitched our tent after dinner, and sat and smoked some weed and drank some beer, and enjoyed the evening.
I really feel like I'm going to change up here. There is powerful energy here, and I think I'm going to learn a lot of awesome things up here. I feel like this beginning of my journey to inner peace, and I'm going to tell all of you about it.

C'est La Vie.
Viva La Vida.
And Fuck the System.
Peace.
Signed, Esther Dolezal ♪♫

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Not Quite Ready..

So today I was reminded why I am not ready to be a parent. I had the chance to spend some time watching my baby nephew, and while I love children, they sure do take a lot of work. It amazes me how the sound of a baby crying triggers a kind of motherly panic. The feeling like you have to make everything better. Of course that is why babies cry. The sound makes us want to take care of them, and fix any problem. I love children, and at some point do want to have kids, but today I realized that I simply do not have the patience and self control required to be a good mother. I suppose I never will completely have either until I have children of my own. I truly have so much respect for the moms out there who raise their children with love and longsuffering, because, let me tell you, that is no easy feat. I guess this is my chance to practice, so to speak. I now realize how much strength it takes to commit to raising a child, and to all of you moms out there who love their children, and raise them with care and patience, I have the utmost respect for you. I really do.

C'est La Vie.
Viva La Vida.
And Fuck The System.
Peace.
Signed, Esther Dolezal

Saturday, March 19, 2016

My Escape


Today I was reminded of how much I love music. I had a chance, finally, to get away by myself  and get lost in my playlists. After an hour with my precious headphones (and I'm not gonna lie, a little bit of weed), I felt my stress begin to melt away. I have a OT of things to be stressed about. We all do. In this crazy chaotic world we live in, we would have to live in a bubble to completely avoid stress. And since we all live in this world, we each have our means of escape. Some people exercise, or sleep, or meditate. My escape is music.

Playing music. Listening to music. Dancing to music. Anything that has to do with music; singing it,composing it, editing it, performing it. I love music.  Lately I've been so busy I haven't had the time to sit down and play music, or space to listen in peace. I didn't realize, in all the craziness, that I was so stressed, my entire body was stiff with tension. That one hour of peace and music was literally medicine. I felt a hundred times better.

Sitting there watching the smoke swirl up toward the ceiling, I was finally able to calm down enough to focus on the music, and breathe. I listened to quite a few songs, but the one that stood out  from my playlist for me today was Light Me Up by Icona Pop. I had never considered myself to be a fan of Icona Pop, but I downloaded some of their songs at some point, and that song stood out to. It is probably going to be my anthem for a while. The lyrics say, I don't care what they say, even if I go down in flames, Light me up. Pretty much I think it spoke to me because I decided about three years to never let someone turn me into someone I'm not ever again. To never let myself be pressured into becoming something I don't want to be, and to always be myself no matter what happens or how difficult things get. I believe all people should be able to be who they are and be happy, to not have to conform and live miserably. I will never let someone tell me who I should be again.
C'est La Vie.
Viva La Vida.
And Fuck the System.
Peace.
Signed, Esther Dolezal ♪♫

Saturday, March 12, 2016

My Life According to a Bitchy Cat

So, I recieved a little bit of a shock, because it turns out my six month old cat is in heat. It caught me by surprise, because I hadn't realized that cats mature at six months. The thing is, now my loving cat has turned into a bitchy hormone crazed creature who sits at the window and meows  all night long trying to attract the males in the neighborhood. It reminded me of what it was like for me to go through the change of becoming an adult. Thinking back, I have changed so much over the years. We all do, of course, but looking back it's almost shocking to see how much I've changed. From an insecure gangly kid who always walked with her head down, to the beautiful strong woman I am today. Thinking back, I remembered some situations that, when I was going through them, seemed like the worst thing that could possibly happen, but now I can see were what made me as strong as I am today.
I had a rough childhood. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail, but I've been through some shit. Growing up in a world where I was ugly, where I was different, where I was a stereotype. My mother never showed me true affection, and I was always pushed to the side. I was exploited and used for financial gain, I was beaten, and worked like a horse, I was locked away for years. But through all of it, I survived, and became more powerful than anyone thought I could be. And thinking back, I wouldn't change a thing. My life has been a struggle so far, and it will continue to be a struggle until the day I die. I have no regrets, and I have learned from all of my pain.  I am SUPERWOMAN.
I guess you're wondering how I got all of this from a bitchy cat. Honestly I have no idea lol. I guess because of the abstract way my mind works.
Also marijuana.
C'est La Vie
Viva La Vida
And Fuck the System
Peace
Signed, Esther Dolezal ♪♫

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Bath Day

So, I'm going to do like the internet, and write a post about my cat. Cringe if you must, but come on. We all knew this post was coming. The inevitable pet post.
Today was bath day. As you can see in the picture, my cat Sugar looks like she wants to kill me.
I truly hate bathing cats. They hate it just as much, and it doesn't help that cats have claws. And that they're slippery when wet. It also didn't help that as soon as she was lathered up, Sugar decided to squirm out of my hands, and take off running through the house splashing water and soap suds everywhere. Which naturally I slipped in and face planted while I was trying to catch her. I ended up slipping a lot today, because she left a slippery trail of soap behind her everywhere she ran, so in order to catch her I had to follow the trail of sudsy death.
I finally managed to corner her after about 10 minutes of running and slipping and falling, but when I went to pick her up she whipped those claws out and proceeded to shred my arm.
At about that time. I went and put on protective gear (a thick leather jacket, and knee pads) and tackled her.
I finally got her clean but the house is still a wreck. This was about five hours ago, and I've been cleaning almost non stop.
Thank God for wine.

C'est la Vie.
Viva la Vida.
And Fuck the System.
Peace.
Signed, Esther Dolezal 🎵🎶


Monday, January 11, 2016

Wish They Would Read.

I love libraries.

Specifically, I love the way people act at libraries. 

Everyone whispering, tiptoeing, to make sure not to infuriate the ancient librarian who, somehow, has hawk-like hearing. 

I love seeing children engrossed in books, turning pages, and actually giggling because their book is funny. 

Call me weird, but I'm the type of person who would rather spend the day at the library hunkered down in a quiet corner with a book and spend hours in my imagination. 

I mean social media is fun and all, but there's only so long I can look at memes before I start getting a headache.

It truly makes me sad to see children who don't read. Or play outside. Or imagine anything. I hate to see kids sitting around all day staring at screens. I hate seeing groups of college students sitting together in groups, each engrossed in their phone, and completely disconnected from reality. Or married couples walking together, holding hands, but each in their own little world, texting other people. I don't understand this. I mean I blog. I use my phone a lot. I use my computer a lot. I like to watch TV, but on my own time. When I'm by myself. When I'm with other people, whether it me a co-worker, or a friend, or my boyfriend. The phone goes in my purse. I leave the sound on, so I can hear every notification, but I just don't feel the need to check my phone every 30 seconds to see who liked my post, or who just texted me, or what the latest trend is. I just don't. 

I know some people get really upset if you don't reply to their texts immediately, but my reasoning is, if you need to get a hold of me that badly, call. I leave my sound on for a reason. If my phone rings, yes, I will pull my phone out, and if I'm not overwhelmingly busy, I will answer. I just don't feel the need to sit and stare at my phone for hours.

Another reason why I love books is that they allow you to use your imagination. Just by reading a few words, I can see the characters and places so vividly in my head the way I want to see them. 

I'm getting a little long winded here, but it makes me sad to see children these days who have never turned a page in their life. Even schools are going digital and electronic. Classics have been banned from school literature. Books like 'The Catcher in the Rye' and to Kill a Mockingbird' are no longer on the shelves of school libraries. Sheltering children from classic literature makes me sad. Those were the books I learned from. Books like 'Lord of the Flies' were the books that taught me just how horrible society can become without structure.

It makes me sad. I just wish they would read. That is all.



C'est la Vie. 

Viva la Vida. 

And Fuck the System.

Peace. 

Signed, Esther Dolezal 🎶🎵



Thursday, January 7, 2016

My Resolution



Sometimes, I wonder why things happen the way they do. I guess it's just life. I wonder why people have to be so judgmental of others. Why people are so quick to jump all over someone else for their issues even though we each have our own. Some things really don't concern everyone.
I mean I guess it's human nature. We hate looking at ourselves critically. We know deep down what our faults are, and often project them onto other people, blaming them for the things we dislike about ourselves.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about this new year, and I have decided that instead of generic resolutions that I won't keep, I have resolved to be real with me. To always deal with my personal issues when they arise, and spare others of my internal bullshit. Working on me, because it's time I started focusing on myself, and keeping my nose in my own business.

C'est la Vie.
Viva la Vida.
And Fuck the System.
Peace.
Signed, Esther Dolezal 🎶🎵


So Over Snow

I have decided I am done with snow for this winter. I mean it was awesome that we had a white Christmas in Spokane, but now it's a new year, and now I'm ready for Spring. Or at least to be able to see the sidewalk when I'm walking. I mean snow is pretty, but that's really all it has going for it at this point. And even that is short lived; the snow is starting to look more like cookies 'n' cream ice-cream gone bad. 
I think the whole snow thing is overrated. I mean skiing is fun, and so are winter sports, but I mean, have you ever been beamed in the face with a rock hard snowball? Not fun.
Snow is cold, wet, slippery, and it has this way of hiding things like rocks or curbs that in normal weather could be easily avoided, and then making you lose all footing when you trip over said solid objects, so you end up with a full body bruise.
Also it makes my hair frizz like a bitch.
Pretty much, from November 1st through December 25th snow is great.
After that, I'm so over it.

C'est la Vie.
Viva la Vida.
And Fuck the System.
Peace.
Signed, Esther Dolezal 🎶🎵


Tuesday, January 5, 2016

New Year. (Hope this one's not a failure too).

Hey guys. Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I have had a crazy past few months. I can honestly say I've never been happier to see a year come to an end.
I mean seriously... What a year. I'm so glad to be through with 2015.
Not that some of the problems haven't carried over into this year, but I truly hope things are better this year. I say that because some things have a huge potential of going bad. But here's hoping.

So I'm back. Refocused and refreshed, and ready to start a new year.
I hope you all had a wonderful New Year's.

C'est la Vie.
Viva la Vida.
And Fuck the System.
Peace.
Signed,
Esther Dolezal. 🎵🎶