I'm in emotional overload. J is apparently not disappearing any time soon. And he is honestly one of the sweetest guys I have ever known. He even understood me when I didn't want to have sex last night. I just said that I didn't want to, and that I didn't want to talk about it, and he left it at that. He just said that we probably shouldn't kiss anymore because it really turned him on. He didn't try to push me. Which is the exact opposite of what Roger did.
The first time me and Roger hung out, he tried to make me suck his dick, and have sex with him.
I knew J for maybe four hours, and then we were making out in his friends garage, and not to soon after that, we made love in the guest bedroom, and spent the night cuddling together. And then when he took me back to the dorm in the morning, he kissed me, and after I was gone, told his friends that I was the best he ever had.
So sweet right? Here's the reason. He didn't try to force me into anything, and the minute I hesitated, he stopped what he was doing to make sure I was ok.
But I don't know.
I don't want to jump crazily into anything. I mean we've only known each other for like two days, but he seems so sweet. Really protective, and thoughtful. He talks about all the things he wants to do with his future wife. He wants to go sailing in the sunset, and he wants to walk on the beach. He talks so openly about everything, and I really feel terrible about telling him the story I tell everyone about myself. I don't know, and I don't want to get my heart broken. But he seems so genuine. So real.
But besides the usual doubts I have going into any relationship, I also don't want to be tied down to a place like this. There aren't any opportunities here for me to use my talents, and I don't want to miss out on reaching my ultimate goals of performance by being tied I a relationship I started freshman year of college. I mean I don't want to turn down this chance of having a relationship that actually means something, but I don't want to make any mistakes. I try to be careful, but he is just so sexy. When he kisses me, I go all numb, and I can't think straight. Also guess what?
He likes to cuddle!! Which as I said in a former post is really rare. And he texted my friend Syd to make sure I was ok.
Also last night, he would randomly kiss me. Like when he was cleaning out the floor of the car around my feet, he said, "Hello beautiful," and gave me a kiss. And then later, when I was sitting in the car having a girl chat with Syd, he spontaneously opened up the door, and gave me a kiss. He seems so sweet, and I think I'm gonna give him a chance. Maybe it will work.
C'est La Vie.
Viva La Vida.
And Fuck the System.