Well I feel like shit. I mean I don't know what I expected. It's not like any of the guys I've been with actually care about me. I mean Roger and his friend, I know it doesn't mean anything to them. And J, I don't know what's up with that, but I doubt he really does either.
I don't know, I just thought that after all this that it would mean something.
Maybe it will never be like that for me. Which is why I think I need to get out of here. Completely away from the Pacific Northwest. I don't know where I want to go, or where, or how I'm gonna get there, but I know I'm not gonna be here much longer.
I just want to follow my heart and just make my own happiness because I won't find anything else here but heartache.
Even my inspiration for songwriting is gone. Completely. I sit down at the piano, or pick up my guitar, and I get nothing. It's just the same chords, the same notes, the same songs that I've been playing over and over for years and I need to get out of that rut and make something for myself. I'm tired of living this way and I need new inspiration. A new perspective.
I've been thinking a lot about traveling. I love to travel. Not so much the trips, but the destination. I love seeing new things. What I really want to do is follow the summer around the world. It sounds so carefree. But I guess I need to get a grip on reality, because the only way I will be able to do that is if I win the lottery which is probably never gonna happen. So I guess I'm stuck here.
C'est La Vie.
Viva La Vida.
An Fuck the System.