Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Candy, And What It Says About You

I have a theory about people. Its based on their favorite type of candy.
For instance, if you simply love Bubble Gum, you're fun loving, and a generally cheerful person. You tend to get along well with others, and you make friends easily. Bubble gum chewers, however, can tend to be annoying, though they never intend to be. They can be a little too chipper at the wrong moment, and sometimes can be unable to really relate to a person who's down. Bubble gum chewers can also tend to be arrogant and snobby, liked by only a few people, and quite content to remain so. They tend not to be openminded about things, and they look down on people who are different from them. Also they do not  deal well with change, and they are rather self-centered. Bubble gum chewers often get along well with Lollypop Lovers. People who just love to suck on lollypops are generally fun loving, like bubble gum chewers. They are usually the best kissers, and they are the most romantic. Want a steamy relationship? Ask out a girl with a lollypop in her mouth. Lollypop lovers love to be close to people, but it takes them a while to truly trust people. Lollypop eaters tend to be cheery like bubblegum eaters, but they tend to be able to relate to people better. They also tend to be creative, and are the most fashionable. But people who love lollypops usually live in their own little world, blissfully oblivious to what's going on around them in the world.  Though they get along well with bubble gum eaters, they usually disagree with those that eat Jelly Beans. Jelly Bean eaters are usually generous and open minded. They love many things and many people. They tend to be silly, colorful, and unpredictable. The only thing that is truly sure about them is that they are having fun. Even when they're not having fun, they are thinking of ways to make the situation more fun. There are many sides to their personality. One people think they know them, Jelly Bean eaters surprise them with something new.  They tend to be a bit experimental with their lifestyle. They are not judgmental, and they always try to keep an open mind. They love new experiences, and are the most adventurous.  They like change, and are always ready to
move on to the next step in their lives.  Jelly bean lovers also strongly feel that Jelly Beans are not only limited to Easter, and become strongly irked when someone suggests otherwise.
A very broad and difficult to translate type of candy is Chocolate. Chocolate is usually associated with women, but as I know plenty of men who cannot resist a mouthful of chocolate, here is my theory about it.
If you like Milk Chocolate, there's a sort of innocence about you that many people love. You are very nostalgic, and you tend to live very much in the past. You also are the most sensuous, and love to cuddle  and  are the best listeners. You tend to be fun loving, but sometimes, you hide your love of fun in an attempt to fit in, or seem more professional.  If Dark Chocolate is your favorite, you are a problem solver. You are visionary and imaginative; if it involves creativity, you can do it easily. You have a love for worldly things, but can be materialistic at times. You make good leaders, but sometimes you struggle to get people to listen to you. Dark Chocolate lovers are very passionate, and are usually the best in bed. Even though they both love chocolate, Dark Chocolate eaters very often disagree with Bitter  Chocolate eaters. People who like Bitter Chocolate are connoisseurs, and are very critical about almost everything in life. They are authoritative, and well respected by many. They tend to micro manage others, and pressure people into doing what they want. They are determined and unwavering and often inflexible and stubborn. They do not like to be told what to do, and they absolutely hate not being in charge. They are often alone, and make very few but lasting friendships. They are almost the exact opposite of people who like White Chocolate. White chocolate lovers are the eternal peace keepers. They try to be honest and fair with everyone, and in everything they do. They try to keep options open, and they rarely close any doors. They are always open to a new opinion or point of view, and are the best at understanding new ideas. They can also be indecisive. They keep so many doors open that it can become difficult for them to close the right one when the time presents itself. They are usually very submissive, and follow orders well. And lastly my take on people who like Any Chocolate, So Long As It's Chocolate.  These people are the social butterflies. They are always hip, and always in style, and they are well liked by others. They are flexible, and know how to roll with the punches. No matter  how surprising a situation is, they can always take things in stride, and they rarely get worked up about anything.
Chocolate is a very broad range of personalities and people. My theory is most likely not completely accurate, and is based on the different types of people I have come across during my life. I don't think there is truly an accurate analysis of chocolate, because there are so many different types of truffles, flavors, and fillings. An easier personality to analyze is Gummy Bears. If you love Gummy Bears, you are a total goofball. You can't help but be silly most of the time. In your opinion, life is way to short to be taken seriously. You love playing pranks and telling jokes, and you live to make others laugh. You're the type that was most likely the class clown in middle school, and you are the type to play with your food before you eat it. You have a short attention span, and are very easily distracted. Your eye can't help but be drawn to colorful bolt things. You are a kid at heart, and you're drawn toward anything fun. You love sweets, and though Gummy Bears are your favorite, that won't stop you from eating as much candy as you can.
There are tons of other candies to analyze, and tons of personalities, that can be judged from them. But these are my most complete analyses. Tell me what you think, and which sweets I should do next!
C'est La Vie.
Viva La Vida.
And Fuck the System.
Signed, hot_tunes